Elephants in the Shower at Arris Lofts
Thursday, November 16, 2006, by Lockhart
Yesterday's CurbedWire report on the surprisingly ubiquitous TV commericals for Long Island City's Arris Lofts that feature elephants and giraffes seems to have hit a nerve. Notes one commenter, "CNBC plays the commercial every hour. First comes the giraffe, then some other company's ad, then the elephant. Personally, I'd rather have a duplex than headroom for a pet giraffe."
We're not sure about that, but don't take it from us. Instead, let's turn it over to an actual Arris Lofts shopper, who emails along a detailed analysis of whether, in fact, an elephant can fit in the bathroom. Also examined: the curious lack of kitchens. Her analysis, including the phrase "hygiene-obsessed anorexics," ahead.
I actually managed to tag along on a showing for the Arris Lofts- and you really can fit an elephant into the bathrooms. We saw 1BR with two gigantic full size bathrooms....the Australian lady showing us around really truly said "it's all the rave" when we inquired as to why the 2 mondo bathrooms in a 1BR.
Noticeably absent in the spacious apt was a kitchen??? Which later we were told was to be a small console against the main wall of the living room. Apparently the members of their target market are the kind to eat out on the town. (But, ahem, this is LIC! I live here. We have a few restaraunts and the number is growing...but a kitchen is a necessity if you actually want to eat food regularly.) Gigantic oversized bathrooms which can probably truly hold an elephant, and no actual kitchens. I guess their target market includes hygiene-obsessed anorexics.
Side note, the ceilings are really, really high. Great light. But that's it. What they couldn't ruin, they didn't. Light and location (convenient-near 3 useful subway lines). The elephant and giraffe can probably fit in there, but they'll go hungry.
By the way, that floorplan at top is a 1BR, 2.5 bath space priced at
$1.055 million. Zookeepers are standing by.
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Listings: Arris Lofts [arrislofts.com]
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CurbedWire: Arris Lofts on TV [Curbed]
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On the Market: LIC Luxury at Arris Lofts [Curbed]
This picture has obviously been photochopped, and at a very low quality indeed. Those poor anaimals would not be fitting into those units and this is done purely for advertising.
NY1 News runs these commercials every 5 minutes in the morning...very annoying. But your shopper is jumping the gun. Look at the site, there are kitchen areas. They are supposed to be somewhat like a "loft", hence the name? Since lofts usually are big open spaces, lofts generally do not have kitchens in a separate room, like say in Ohio. 20 Pine, among others, deal with open kitchens this way.
#1, It was purely for advertising? No, it couldn't be.
There's defintely a shortage of condos in the city that provides for large & heavy safari animals. I just think Arris is trying to capture that part of the market. I would LOVE to buy a million dollar condo next to someone with safari animals. Interesting sights, sounds, and smells.
But thanks for the thought, Captain Obvious.
Why would elephants and giraffes hang out in an industrial waste land like Long Island City?
Makes no sense.
Everyone knows that elephants live on the UWS and giraffes like NOHO.
Jake
im still looking at lic just when the prices are in the 400 a qg ft range it will take some time
I was wondering how long it would take before there was an item on this. These commercials are insanely irritating, what with the 3rd-grade rhyme scheme ("spacious, gracious living" and "expansive, not expensive") and the tagline play on the animal theme ("room for all your creature comforts"). They are all over the morning news- NY1, MSNBC, CNBC, etc- and have replaced The Doggie Step as my No. 1 most annoying ad in the "we can't afford to advertise in primetime" category.
These people should be arrested. They are violating NYC Health Code ยง 161.01. Wild animals prohibited. [FN1]
Go to http://www.nycacc.org/researchtools.htm#
for the full listing of the code. The giraffe might be OK, but the elephant has to go.
BPC Gal: I agree that the ads are VERY annoying, but for me, nothing tops the annoying ads for Carmel (car service) on NY1 that are a complete ripoff of "Sex and the City" (not to mention very badly acted and stupid).
That being said, I do feel like the Arris commercials are following me from channel to channel. The fact that you get two in one commercial break make them even more irritating.
gwin, "ooooo girl," you are so right about the carmel commercial!
Annoying Girl 1: He takes me shopping
Annoying Girl 2: And you love to shop
AG1: He takes me to the airport"
AG3: "Sometimes, he just takes me home at night"
ALL: OOOOOH GIRL!!!!
That has got to be the worst layout in the history of the world. For God's sake, are there THREE bathrooms in that byatch? you need a kitchen in a space like that; also, it should be a 2 BR (perhaps the dreaded interior 2nd BR w/transom or something for light...).
OR, given the ceiling height, a loft 2nd BR. And f*ck the utility room... USE THE CEILING HEIGHT FOR STORAGE. WHO DESIGNED THIS $1M PIECE OF SH*T???
Plus, elephants are NOT good roomates - believe me.
I don't want to deviate any further from the Arris Lofts discussion, but those Carmel ads used to be even more "Sex and the City" -- the music was a complete clone of the theme from the show, and instead of saying "Now that's huge!" about the airport pickup the person said "Now that's BIG!"... I guess HBO came down on their asses because the commercial disappeared for a while then came back in its current incarnation. haha.
hey anonymous, thanks for the transcript. i thought it was the annoying blond who said "ohhhhh girl." i would like to see her in a snuff film.
History of the world sounds a bit harsh.
Floorplan looks like two shotgun shacks. Why is a full 2/3 of the floorplan bathrooms, closets, utility rooms, dressing rooms, and corridor? Only 1/3 of the space is actually useable for living.
I really hate the way they buried the columns in the walls. Yuck.
On a more Arris-related topic, what is with these huge bathrooms nowadays? In a 2000-s.f. place I suppose I get it, but for developments like these where families may be buying, most people would probably rather have more storage space or an extra "home office," which will of course end up being used as a bedroom. After all, how much time do you really spend in the bathroom anyway?
If I could do this layout over, I would put the kitchen where the "home office" is, get rid of the half-bath and combine the added space with the current walk-in closet to put the home office there. The utility room is also way too large, and the dressing room and the bathroom should be swapped.
Overall, this is a lousy layout for the money, and makes terrible use of the few windows that exist given the depth of the space. I think it takes a lot of nerve to call a 17x18 space that includes a galley kitchen a "great room."
how about the fact that the building sits on top of the railroad & amtrak rails - are the windows good enough that you don't hear passing trains?
#16 is right, it is a truly horrible layout!
The layouts are very similar to the new development condos in the city, what are you talkin about?!? i find them to be very good looking.
"Expansive not expensive." And that voice over is terribly painful. And what's with the door swinging closed totally on its own towards the end of the commercial? They're all over NY1, CNBC, MSG, and I think even ESPN. Most painful commercials ever.
it looks like these lofts were designed with the "Mickey D" customers in mind, you can supersize all your meals and still feel small.
I don't find the Arris ads as annoying or surreal as say the new "Head-On" ads with the intense black dude and the stern frizzy haired girl. I actually like looking at digital renderings of apartments, but yes, the media buy seems to be HUGE and the ads do seem to be following me from channel to channel... maybe I am their target audience...*shudder*
I hope that the suckers who drop that kind of dough on this place don't mind EVERY SINGLE Long Island Railroad train in the entire system blowing past their windows at 50 miles and hour and blasting their horn (which they are supposed to do) before they go in/exit the tunnel under the East River.
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