This five-bedroom home, currently on the market for $1.8 million, sort of straddles the line between castle and house (it's mostly the roof's fault). Once you see the entrance, though, with its giant stone columns and empty suit of armor guarding the door, you're forced to forgive it.

Probably one of the most, if not the most, penetrable castles on this map, The Castle on O'Malley is a miniature golf course in Anchorage, Alaska.

Mystery Castle in Phoenix, Arizona was constructed in the 1930s by Boyce Luther Gulley, who, the story goes, moved to Arizona from Seattle after learning he had tuberculosis and began constructing the castle out of whatever cheap materials he could find: stone, adobe, automobile parts, salvaged rail tracks, telephone poles, etc. His intention was to leave it for his daughter, which he did. She subsequently opened it for tours.

Alpine Castle in Alpine, California is a private residence that is currently on the market for $1.795 million. The interiors are completely indescribable and it is rumored to come with an underground "torture chamber."

Bishop Castle is a one-man project/open construction site that was conceived and executed by a man named Jim Bishop, who offers no guided tours but welcomes people to come by and show themselves around, at which point, Roadsideamerica.com warns, he "bluntly and loudly" unleashes his "potentially offensive rants (involving politics and race)."

Hemlock Castle in Greenwich, Connecticut is a very attractive, ivy-covered, stone and slate home that has been renovated in a very un-castle-like manner on the inside. It is also enormous (11 beds, 14.5 baths), and is on the market for $11 million.

This four-bedroom castle in Punta Gorda is everything you imagine it will be when you hear the phrase "Florida castle." That means imported crystal chandeliers, porcelain tile floors, and a lot of palm trees. It has been on the market for more than two years, and is currently asking $1.59 million.

Dwarf Castle (also known as Cagle Castle) began construction in the 1950s and finally wrapped up in the '70s, the work of a trucker named Rudy McLaughlin who promised to build a castle for his wife. Unlike most of the other private residence castles on this map, this one is occupied and not for sale.

Out of all the castles on this map, the ʻIolani Barracks has the most castle-like original story, having been built in 1870 to house members of the Hawaiian Royal Guard. Today, it serves as the ʻIolani Palace's visitors center.

RavenStone Castle is a bed-and-breakfast in Illinois and has the fortune of having been given a very castle-y name to go along with its very castle-y exterior. Construction began in 2011, and it wasn't long before the family behind the project "realized they could see all the way to the grocery store in [town]," which sounds very exciting indeed.

This three-bedroom Indiana castle is asking a mere $199,500 and features, among several other anachronistic elements, a gazebo and a Tardis.

This $574,900 five-bedroom home in the Raccoon River Valley is maybe a little closer to the English Tudor side of the equation than it is to the castle side, but it does have a turret so we'll let it slide. Also, Raccoon River Valley is a great name for a valley.

Appropriately located on the town of Versailles, Kentucky, this massive palace has 16 bedrooms, 16 bathrooms, and is on the market for $15 million.

Chateau De Bon Reve in Sulphur, Lousiana is more mini golf than medieval. It was completed in 2007 and was on the market in 2012 asking $5.2 million. The listing has since disappeared although it's kind of hard to imagine that it actually sold (unless, as one commenter pointed out, Mario and Princess Peach were in the market).

Beckett's Castle is a private residence built in 1871 by publisher and poet Sylvester Beckett, who died a decade later and is said to haunt the premises, appearing as a ball of blue light and jerking blankets off freshly made beds.

Sometimes you have so many Roman, medieval, and Renaissance artifacts that you just have to build a castle to store them all. Such was the case with John Hays Hammond, Jr., who built his castle between 1926 and 1929. It can now be rented for weddings and private functions.

This stone castle in Michigan is, of course, located on a lake, and is asking $595,000.

The Minnesota Museum of Mining is located in this very straightforward little stone castle, which was constructed in 1933, because the town of Chisholm felt like building a castle.

Wallace House Castle in Kansas City, Missouri did not start as a castle, but at some point in its history it was covered in stone, and a castle it became. It was moved from its original location in 1908, later served as an administrative building for the Kansas City Museum, and is now a private residence.

The appropriately named Castle Museum in Sulphur Springs, Montana (oddly, the second town named after sulphur to appear on this map) was originally constructed by Montana Cowboy Hall of Fame Inductee Byron Roger Sherman in 1892, at a cost of $36,000.

Joslyn Castle in Omaha, Nebraska was built in 1903. It served as the headquarters of the Omaha Public Schools district from 1944 to 1989 and now it is an events space.

Searles Castle was built from 1905 to 1915 for Edward Francis Searles, an interior and architectural designer. It had a series of disparate owners after Searles' death in 1920, was refurbished in 1991, and is currently an events space.

We're pretty comfortable calling this New Jersey version of a castle. It's not going to keep out any invading hordes with those ground floor glass doors, but you could still dump caldrons of boiling tanning oil from the upstairs windows. It's on the market for $1.979 million.

Highlands Castle in upstate New York was built in 1982, using 800 tons of imported stone. It can be rented for weddings and events, or purchased for $12.8 million.

This fantastic but modest three-bedroom castle in North Carolina is on the market for $320,000. It includes a room with what we can only assume is the family crest inlaid into the floor.

Coghlan Castle in Rolette County, North Dakota was added to the National Register of Historic Places in 2008. It has been abandoned since the mid-20th century but a group recently got a grant to restore it. In the '60s and '70s it served the noble purpose of being a party spot for local teenagers.

Loveland Castle, a.k.a. Château Laroche, was built starting in 1929 by a man named Harry D. Andrews, paying for the land with money that the Boy Scout troop he led made by selling magazine subscriptions, apparently. (Either land used to be cheaper, or magazines used to cost a lot more.) He left the castle to the troop when he died in 1981.

This $6.675 million home in Portland, Oregon looks like if a normal house caught a leprosy-like castle disease that began to slow spread all over its surface. It is called Blackberry Castle and the property include a private vineyard, among other things.

This Scranton, Pennsylvania Tudor mansion is known as "The Castle," and is asking $699,900, which seems pretty reasonable for an eight-bedroom house.

Belcourt Castle in Newport, Rhode Island is the only castle on this map that could also be described as a "former summer cottage." It was constructed between 1891 and 1894 for a family that planned to use it only six weeks out of the year. It is being restored by its current owner, who purchased it in 2011 and plans to reopen it as a tour house, art gallery and event space.

The focal point of the Storybook Land theme park in Aberdeen, South Dakota is this mock medieval castle, which is surrounded by a moat and guarded by suits of armor. It counts!

This large bed-and-breakfast in Tennessee (on the market for $595,000) is very castle-like in the middle and not so much on the sides. But, consider this: it is called "Castle on the Green" and it's located on Castle Road. Hey, they can't all stop invading armies.

Another self-proclaimed "European style castle," this 14-bathroom behemoth in New Braunfels can protest all it wants—the style here is definitively Texas: big, loud, and over the top. It's asking $3.8 million.

This Vermont home is not quite finished, and also probably not quite a castle, but then again, there is a turret, stained glass windows, and stone arches. It's asking $625,000.

Facing foreclosure in 2013, Melrose Castle in Warrenton, Virginia hit the market asking a mere $1.5 million. According to Redfin, it sold in 2014—so much for your dreams of getting a cheap(ish) genuine castle

Another one that leans a little closer to mansion than castle, "The Castle at Badger Mountain" might include just enough stone and pointy roof things to qualify. It is on the market for $1.75 million.

Kelley Castle is the work of an electrician named Pete Kelley, who dreamed of building a castle since he was 19 and started work around 1992. The project was still not complete as of last year, but you can read about the slow and steady progress here.

Heiner Castle is a privately owned castle in Wyoming, and that is about as much information as there is available on the internet. But in some ways, the secrecy makes it the best castle of all.